This journey has been filled with a whole lot of ups and downs. It’s been wonderful to share it. However, I am more keenly aware than ever that the more I learn, the less I know.
Things are at a point now where spending so much of my time writing is starting to become counterproductive. The place I should really be looking is my meditation cushion and Dharma instruction.
Yesterday I wrote about my ‘spew’. That I recognize I’m all over the place with my words. Until I actually learn to understand what’s happening – and gain some insight into what is and is not conducive to a continued deepening of my experience, it’s better that I focus on LEARNING instead of pretending to teach!
Continuing to write is also having a negative influence on the direction of my journey. One of my traps is the trap of hubris. It was the last if the three traps I was warned of in my moments of awakening. At this moment, I feel caught in this trap. Writing here, now, continues to dig me deeper into the trap of hubris. If I am not careful, I will indeed become stuck in this trap!
Hubris: pride or arrogance; an excess of ambition, pride, etc, ultimately causing the transgressor’s ruin; hubris is often associated with a lack of humility, though not necessarily a lack of knowledge.
In essence, hubris remains one of the two traps (beyond complacency) that I was specifically warned about as the echoes of NPD continue to ripple within me and slowly fade away.
So this blog is going into hibernation for a while. Everything will remain here – because sharing this experience still means something to me. There just wont be anything new added for a while.
Thank you dear reader for your time and attention. May you find peace and love in your own life.
Update: After writing this I went to the gym, THINKING about how I might cultivate and practice humility. Instead I decided to look up the video section of the SIMS website and see if the guiding teacher, Rodney Smith had anything to say on the subject of humility.
There I found this video on the nature of arrogance – and it sung to me. It is so clearly obvious that everything I have been doing ties directly into what he expressed at the beginning and mid-points of the talk.
This video captures, with stunning clarity, where I am stuck, why I am stuck, and what my next steps are:
Thank you Rodney.
This will indeed be my last post here for a while!