The Cure to Pathological Narcissism


Have you ever tried to untie a knot when you were angry?

Let’s try it. Humor me please.

Find yourself a piece of thick string, a shoelace, a length of rope, anything that you can tie several good knots into. Come back when you have it.

Now tie several simple knots in the center of your string. Just use simple overhand knots. This is the simplest type of knot there is. Tie at least 5 or 6 good knots in it – more if you want to. Make sure you pull them tight – not too tight, but tightly enough so that they are very snug and will not come undone on their own. Then pull them just a little bit tighter.

Look at what you are holding in your hand. Look at those knots. Now picture some part of yourself, or some part of someone else that you really and truly hate. Find a way to really stir up your rage, your anger, and your hate. Focus every ounce of your wrath on that knot as if it were the thing that your wrath wishes to seek out.

Feel your hatred for the knot burning. Continue hating the knot and letting your rage build. When you are about to scream, ATTACK the knot! Rip at it with all of your rage.  Tear at it and do everything you can to break that knot apart. Fight with that knot and give it EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT! Don’t stop until you’ve unraveled the knot or your anger takes over and your patience comes to an end.

How was that experience for you? How long did it take to untie your knot? Were you able to do it at all? When you were done untying the knot, did you feel better or worse? Or did you just feel like you were wasting your time? Whatever you felt, hold onto that for a moment.

Now repeat the exercise. But this time, instead of hating the knot. Take a moment to breath. LOOK at the knot. SEE the knot. Watch the contours of the knot and see how each part of the knot intertwines with another part. See how all parts of the knot are twisted around one another.

Notice that the string also has two ends, and that the knot exists between those two ends. There is nothing beyond the two ends of your string – there are no knots beyond your string. You are focusing only on your string.

Again – breath, see the knot, feel the knot, LOVE the knot. Look at the knot with tender eyes and ask it to teach you something about yourself. Love that knot for the gift that it has to offer you . This is your knot – this is your string. Love it – feel it. Be with it.

Now gently, and with love, slowly and patiently untie the knot. If you get angry, stop and breathe. Remember that this knot is yours and that you are the only person that can untie it.

Remember that it has something to teach you – love it for that. Feel that love and then continue to unravel the knot. Continue unraveling your knots this way – slowly, patiently, and with love, until your knot is untied and you are holding both ends of a single length of string, one end in each hand.

Now what was this experience like for you? How was it different from your first experience? How did you feel when you finished untying the knot this time?

Think on this for a moment. And come back once you have done so.

Did anything I say here matter? All I did was ask you to tie a knot and untie it again. I didn’t need to tell you HOW to untie the knot. Not the knot itself. You already had that skill.

All I did was point out that different approaches yield different results, but I didn’t give you anything you didn’t already possess.

Now look at your string – your own string; the string that starts and ends in your own two hands. See it, unknotted and free. Marvel in its condition – and love it. Think of what it has taught you and love it even more.

Now think of your mind – see the collection knots that resides there. Know that you already have everything you need to untie them, with love and patience and compassion.

This is the only true cure…

2 thoughts on “The Cure to Pathological Narcissism

  1. Reblogged this on Lucky Otter's Haven and commented:
    This is a wonderful article about healing narcissism I found on another blog about another covert narc’s healing journey. He/she is much farther along their journey than I am, but has also been blogging a lot longer.
    This article is wonderful, with a message both profound and so simple.
    This is how you do it.

    Like

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