This is part 4 in a series. Please refer to part 1 herepart 2 here, and part 3 here for additional details.
Dawning Realization Period (mid-Sep 2014 – 27 Sep 2014)
It’s inaccurate to say that this process ‘began’ in mid-sep – this is just when I started to become conscious of it. All my life I wanted an answer…
Narcissistic Personality Inventory
I cannot honestly say how I ended up on this site, but this is where my journey began. http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm
Read Articles and Watch Videos
There was a lot of stuff spinning in my head after the NPI. The link I followed from my score card page was incredibly valuable. I think I saw so much of myself initially that something clicked in the back of my mind. So I kept digging.
Here are some of the things I was looking at in the VERY beginning:
Then I came across this one and found it really interesting and so consistent with my romantic relationships: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/
This led me to watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At9fRWqoyu4
And then I started watching all of his stuff on narcs: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8OgfVyM8u5xhoHTJPa9sOQ
By that point I think I was sold.
Then I started digging into the DSM V vs. DSM IV variances/changes and read about the whole ‘dumping the PD section’. That didn’t matter…
I was still a bit unsure – I thought that maybe I was also Avoidant PD and had BPD traits as well. So I went through all of the PDs and looked closely at each one in terms of my WHOLE person experience. After that I was certain!
ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE BECAME CRYSTAL CLEAR TO ME for the very first time!!! EVERYTHING that I’d struggled with since as early as I can remember could be traced back to this thing called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
UNDERSTANDING and ACCEPTING it hadn’t quite sunk in yet though…
Read part V.
I have halted writing this series. This was the last post that I made before my spontaneous spiritual awakening occurred. Anything written after this point (after 13 Oct 2014 at around 10PM PST) reflects a VERY different view of the world.
If you have followed my story to this point, please note that I am currently applying my entire process of dissection, analysis, and theorization to the understanding of how my spiritual awakening may have occurred.
For me this is a TREMENDOUSLY fascinating experience that MUST be explored, documented, and shared. If it can touch just one person – and help them awaken from the grand delusion of the world, OH MY GOD! THE JOY!!! This is a gift of TRUE LOVE!!!
This is the post that I am currently capturing my theory in: https://thehealingnarcissist.com/2014/10/19/i-have-a-potential-roadmap-for-narcissism-to-nirvana/