From Narcissism to Nirvana: A Journey BEYOND healing…
Please note: This website is no longer maintained and should be viewed as a historical artifact. Nothing remains of the one who wrote it. Since shifting in the direction of spiritual healing, my journey went extremely deep and led me toward writing, speaking, and guiding others “into and beyond enlightenment” through the inner science of self-realization. You can examine all of the articles, videos, and podcasts that have covered this journey – and what I share now – by visiting http://www.awakeningintolife.com.
Welcome dear reader.
Beginning around mid-September of 2014 I started to develop an awareness of my narcissistic tendencies. There were several factors at work, but I dug in and started to research the disorder. The more I dug in, the more of myself I saw. Eventually I reached a point where it became CLEAR to me that THIS is what I was!
I’d always known that something wasn’t ‘quite right’ about me. But I could never grab hold of a firm root! I found myself chasing symptoms instead. At one point I was even treated for Pathological Perfectionism. Bottom line – I played a very easy game of hide and seek with the world for a period of 35 years.
But inside I was rotting away! I was enduring intense internal personal AGONY!
I lived alone in my head… terrified of EVERYTHING and it was absolute misery! Worse, I was making those around me miserable to – and NO ONE could see any of what was really going on! I was just this terrible person to be around – who sucked the joy out of everyone’s lives.
After consulting with a therapist, my diagnoses was ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’ (NPD). My symptoms placed me in the Fragile/Covert NPD category, and my coping style was one of complete avoidance.
Once I fully understood what was happening, I KNEW that I had to take ACTION! Unfortunately I’d already made a few very very poor decisions that sent me down a very dark road. However, I made a FIRM AND ABSOLUTE commitment to myself that I was going to BE something different than the monster I saw myself as!
This journey has been… beyond anything I could have imagined. I am SO GLAD to have been blogging this entire process… I now have a beautiful story of a man who woke up from a nightmare, faced his demons, found his true self, and then reached for the divine.
It is not the story I expected.
When this all began, I was a shambles – an emotional bag of misery. Everything was falling apart. But then I took action!
I fully revealed myself to three key people in my life. I healed the emotional wound that had created my initial break. I had queried those around me for instruction and strength. I received guidance from a beautiful soul of a therapist. I focused on mindful awareness and moment by moment presence. I cut off access to all of my old hiding places. I removed all connections with people and ideas that could hinder or thwart my healing. I used radical self-honesty to query every aspect of who I am. I faced every emotion – every pain – every ounce of misery that flooded through me. I pushed and I pushed.
At some point I began to blossom into something far more spectacular than my original goal of a ‘more authentic self’. What awakened within me is now a spiritual journey beyond reckoning.
It began with a small taste on 10 Oct, followed by a spiritual ‘heart’ awakening on 13 Oct, a major revelation of oneness on 20 Oct, a complete understanding of the nature of all things – and tapping into a higher level of consciousness on 23 Oct, and then my final major lesson – the full seeing of the impermanence of all things on 27 Oct, which included a complete and unequivocal understanding of what that means for us here in this world.
Then, on 1 November 2014 my life was forever changed. Following a sequence of continued deepening events and experiences, I underwent the transformation. Some call it ascension, some call it enlightenment. It doesn’t matter what label you use – there is no term that can fully satisfy the experience of being fully awake; an experience oddly encompassing both beauty and frustration. But even the frustration, and the occasional fear and doubt that still arise from time to time, are beautiful in their own way. They facilitate growth and continued progression.
Then through November and the first half of December, my journey continued to deepen in such amazing and unexpected ways that I cannot even begin to describe it all. I did not do very much writing during this time period. As I moved through January and February, synchronicity continued to move me forward, hearing the voice of God speaking to me in every aspect of my life. In March I sold my possessions and became homeless on purpose. I then spent my time freely sharing the truth of enlightenment with all who would listen. You can learn more at: http://www.homelessontheave.com.
I now work as a part time spiritual teacher, helping others to find within themselves the truth that led to my own healing, enlightenment, and reintegration back into a world as one who has seen the depths of reality for what it is. You can follow my journey as a spiritual teacher and learn more about my teachings by visiting my new website at awakeningintolife.com.
The entire story of my awakening and experience on the road to enlightenment are told through this blog. A blog that began with narcissism, moved through nirvana, and has led to divine realization. If you watch the journey closely, it’s really interesting to see how each experience added something new – and they just kept building up, one on top of another. Eventually the popcorn popper in my head became a lightning storm. Now I am sharing what I’ve learned and working to awaken the world to the underlying truth of all things.
Timeline of My Unfolding:
- Beginning of unfolding process: ~27 Sep 2014: Manifested as awareness.
- 1st Experience: 10 Oct 2014: Manifested as ‘meeting myself for the first time’.
- 2nd Experience: 13 Oct 2014: Manifested as a ‘heart opening’ spiritual awakening.
- 3rd Experience: 20 Oct 2014: Manifested as understanding of universal truth.
- 4th Experience: 23 Oct 2014: Manifested as initial opening of the heart-mind.
- 5th Experience: 27 Oct 2014: Manifested as a complete sense of falling away.
- 6th Experience: 1 Nov 2014: Manifested as the experience of enlightenment.
- Moving Deeper: Nov 2014: Learning to be One with the Tao and all things.
The Full Story of My Awakening and My Continuing Journey:
Note: Bolded items (below) were key moments for me.
Blog Post 18: Removed from list – this post was irrelevant.